By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think your dad took our porno
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
