I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
