i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize