I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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