Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
