so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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