K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
