Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
