his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
