never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
