I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize