i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
