I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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