I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
