dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dick very happy bro
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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