Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
