just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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