I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
