I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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