you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
