dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
