mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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