this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
