1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
