Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
