Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
