...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
