she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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