how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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