I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
