walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
