You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
