Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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