you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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