so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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