Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
