i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
