Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize