My nipple is on Facebook.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
