Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
