this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Even my vagina gasped.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
