I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
