Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The adults are the big ones right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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