I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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