Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
