My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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