i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
