You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
