I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize