Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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