first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just google imaged poop.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
