wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
