just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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