There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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