It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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