probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
