I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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