I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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