I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
