We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
