Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We talked him into tasing himself.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
