Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
