If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
