My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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