And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
