he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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