Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
