he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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