The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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