i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
