I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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