We're like a lot better than the average bears
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
