By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
